Low self-esteem, while still feeling accomplished, and proud, Part Two.
As I mentioned in Part One self-esteem specifically feeling of inadequacy, has always been a struggle for me. I take things far too personally and am too sensitive. Its taken me a long to figure that out, and although it doesn’t change much, it has helped to remind me reason why I feel that way and help myself out of those negative thoughts.
This feeling of constant inadequacy has increased dramatically since we bought our home. The combination of not having enough money, time, energy, creativity, to finish everything, or being unhappy with how something turned out has being a reoccurring theme. I was stuck in a rut, a long rut, we have been in our home a little over a year and I would say, its been since day one. But for some reason, all it took was a weekend at home and a recent burst of creativity to cross some big projects off my list. And have a new found confidence in myself and what makes me happy.
This weekend I realized it is not able relaxing and sitting on the couch, scrolling through my phone doing nothing, it is doing everything, or anything. I am a mover … I can’t sit still, I need to be organizing, decorating, learning, cooking, working out that is relaxing to me. I am proud of all I accomplished this weekend, our living looks great, and thanks to my husband for putting together the perfect TV stand, even though it was a bitch. The one time I don’t look at all the reviews and see how assembly was before I ordered, oops. I had to put together my own freestanding closet, which was actually surprisingly easy and exactly what I was looking for.
When I reflected back on the weekend, I didn’t feel like I missed out on couch time, I actually felt great, and not stressed. Like Brooke from Nesting with Grace says, better than it was. All it took was a little motivation and it snowballed, I feel so much better about the state of the house. I have been working on being more aware and working through the negative thoughts. I’m a work in progress, and will continue to grow and hopefully I can get out on the other side. Its taken decades for my body to not be the primary reason I feel like crap, and its definitely not my favorite, but because of that I know I can change my mind and work on better myself. And there is no reason to be guilty when you finally feel good about something, like you shouldn’t because you didn’t do something else, or work isn’t going well, cherish each accomplishment. Always try to reflect on how you feel, you may be shocked how small changes can have a noticeable positive impact.
